So you want your bird to cum?

So guys, if you’re like me then you will get a buzz when the bird your fucking cums, nothing better than feeling her fanny pulsate round your stiff cock as you rub that clit.

So you are gagging to fuck your bird (or whoever’s bird this is you're about to fuck) and you really want to make her cum. But you don't know how!!!   Well-read below to find out the secrets… 

So you bang away at her for ages, and nothing!! You're starting to worry that she may actually be dead and not just asleep. But stop, don't worry, this is not necrophilism, you're just doing it all wrong. 

Now, most women need more than just intercourse to orgasm, so just sticking your cock in and out isn't good enough.  This is where the clitoris comes in.

What is the clitoris you may ask?

The clitoris is a part of the female genitalia consisting of a small elongated highly sensitive erectile organ at the front of the vulva.

Or to you and I,

The little bean up the top of the slit.

Now Guys, this little organ is vital. If you can touch it properly, you're guaranteed a blow job and she might even let you stick it up her arse.

Nice one!!! But what do i have to do to it??

You need to play with it my friend. Until she orgasms.

What IS an orgasm you may ask?

Orgasm, also called climax, is a physiological state of heightened sexual excitement and gratification that is followed by relaxation of sexual tensions and the body's muscles. It is marked by a feeling of sudden and intense pleasure.

Or in words you may understand better;

It's a fucking mint feeling in her fanny and the only reason you are in bed with her in the first place.

Now you know what everything is, you just need to know what TO do, and what NOT to do.

DON'T force as many fingers as you can fit up her all in one go.

DO make sure she is wet before you try to put anything up her.

Dry fanny + Objects being stuffed up it = Severe pain for her & a black eye for you.

DON'T Rub her clit as hard as you can.

DO Learn to distinguish moans of agony from moans of pleasure, if the moans are ones of pain, stop what you're doing until the moans are "OH YES" moans, if the moans are pleasurable, keep doing what you're doing my son!!!

SO many men think that rubbing really hard on a girl’s clit will make her cum and that the more she moans the more she loves it. The moans that follow this kind of treatment are usually ones of pain.  You're trying to make her cum, not swipe her flaps off!! Follow her moans, if she wants it harder, do it gradually, and make sure she's nice and wet.

DON'T literally try to eat her. Biting/sucking/nibbling and hard forceful licks can be painful.

DO lick her clit gently, licking right down to her fuck hole and back up again. Using a finger or two to poke her/rubbing her thighs while you're licking is always a winner.

Burying your head in her crotch and being too rough really can be painful. Again, listen to her, if she sounds pained, tone it down a little. She should be making a bit of a scene now, if she's pushing you away, practically having a fit you know you have done good job. Unless you know this girl is epileptic, then that could be a whole other situation and you should probably call an ambulance.

So now you know how to find it and how to play with it - ENJOY..

This post has been inspired by a lady reader who helped me a lot with this post.  Thanks H x

In her own words (if any of the idiots I have slept with are reading your blog, hopefully they won’t be as useless next time the fuck a lassie) Boom....

as allways comments welcome ....